This utter utter sty of Delhi. I hate being here. I really do. Is it hostel I hate, is it the fucking money I have to pay to get to anywhere pleasant or is it the goddamn weather, I really can’t tell which. In other news, I’m going to Bangalore. Yay! I love Bangalore. Cousin’s engagement. Hmm. I’m required to take stuff like a shirt which I will be duly forced to wear, and formal shoes.

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So yeah. The engagement ceremony is OVAH. As far as social gatherings go, I thought I acquitted myself rather well. I had, erm, ‘smooth’ conversations with a lot of people, and moved to and from conversations with a reasonable level of proficiency.

But then there was dancing. And everything went to shit. Well, not really. But my self esteem took a real beating and i felt close to pretty horrible for the remainder of the function. It distinctly reminds me of Class X when I would roam from class to class looking for a conversation or group to be part of. The same happened here, with me walking purposelessly and repeatedly between the hall and the lobby adjoining it. It really was a horrible experience, that part of it. There was a good period prior to the start of the ceremony as well, when I was given a bit of purpose by being told to fetch a banana leaf. Such purpose, such satisfaction. But along with purpose there came complications.

The said leaf was supposed to be in the room booked for the women, and I wasn’t clear on the etiquette regarding this. Should I knock and stand aside? Would I be expected to enter a few steps to receive the object? Should I call someone I know to be inside the room to come outside with the object? The situation was further complicated by the fact that on my way to the said room, I had met my cousin — the bride-to-be of the day — and a few of her friends, and asked her friends to check witht those in the room for the leaf. As a result, there was the added layer of consideration as to whether I should lie low and put my trust my cousin’s friends, or just wait somewhere nearby for them to appear with the leaf, just to make sure, or simply give it a couple of minutes or five, and knock on the door of the room (into which, by the way, my cousin had gone, along with her mini-entourage) to check with them for the leaf anyway? Caught in this maelstrom of indecision, as i so often tend to be, I did what i normally do in these situations – nothing. I waited and thought and dawdled, and eventually started doing something else.  I created a sizeable delay in the task, and was duly called by my superior who’d initially assigned me the task (my mother) and questioned about the status of the task along with being given an appropriate expression of disappointment as well.

Armed with the fresh drop in confidence from the judgment on my value as in individual, I went for broke and rung the doorbell on the women’s room. My aunt answered, and i asked her about the leaf. She informed me that my uncle had it. Or that my cousin brother had it. I honestly don’t remember whom she specified at this point. Anyway, i remember my uncle’s phone not being reachable, so this is probably where it fit in. I also think I called my cousin (brother) who informed me that it was with his father, or passed the buck in some other way, but I can’t say that I remember for certain.  However this particular episode concluded, I do remember coming downstairs back into the hall and asking my mother what they were doing about the part of the ceremony for which they needed the leaf. She informed me that it was alright because the priest was simply able to carry out the ceremony without the leaf.

Till tomorrow.

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