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It’s great how there is a plethora of books, authors, and quotes that you can read, which are, literally speaking, saying different things, but also fit together somewhere in the deeper recesses of your mind to give you an absolutely absurd understanding of the world which makes much more perfect sense than any world view that a comprehensive middle class education seems to be able to build.

But basically, life is suffering. And it’s pretty goddamn excellent. You just need to relish it. Chained, locked, imprisoned as you are and bleak as the possibilities may be, you remain the only one in that situation who is in any position to try to help yourself. Because you are always and forever alone in your mind. There is no absolute truth that you can rely on and take comfort in permanently. At best, there are stepping stones which provide temporary resting spots until you are forced to uproot yourself once more and move on. Progress, maybe. But I would avoid the term for the various connotations it tends to bring with itself in common parlance.

I will concede that suffering might be a strong word for what I tried to describe. Or maybe I won’t. In any case, it can be described as a struggle — a continuous battle, right through this experience of consciousness that comes without any set of safety tips or instructions — to find some kind of logic, some kind of overarching rule, some kind of truth where you can say, “Yes, I think I understand that this is what I am, this is how I understand myself as a thinking entity, this is what it means to be thinking, and now I can satisfactorily decide what is right and what is wrong.”

The simple problem is that you never know. You never know what… to do. You don’t know that you did right (but you think you did — that’s fair, you made the judgment with everything that was at your disposal at the time), you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing now, you don’t even know how to properly think about what you’re doing right now, and you still need to figure out how best to fit the future into your scheme of thinking. Is the future something not to be worried about, which configures itself towards perfection by virtue of present right action? Or is it rather something that needs to be planned and executed according to that plan? If it’s going to be planned, how will it account for changes in thinking and subsequent disagreement with the principles based on which I configure my future with my present actions (the assumption being that present actions have at the very least a consequential if not completely determinative role to play in the creation of your future)?

And this is what life is all about. The meaning of life is about the search for the meaning of life. Fucking scam. Could have predicted it right at the start.